| Hurt. |
[29 Jun 2009|03:54pm] |
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Is it wrong for me to be hurt?
I don't think so.
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| Yuck. |
[16 Dec 2008|01:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 down |
] |
I've been really fucking anxious lately.
Not Good.
I don't know if I'm here or there.
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| Snow!! |
[06 Dec 2008|03:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cough cough cough |
] |
There's enough snow on the ground for me to make a huge giant snowman, but no one is home.
Danielle and Eryn are at moms, and Scott is at work.
I slept until 3 today, because I couldn't sleep last night.
I'm going to take a bath today, and attempt to clean my room, cuz it's kind of like a storage unit right now.
(I don't sleep in there, I sleep on the couch until Matt gets home.)
Future momma gave me a bag full of brand new clothes, and it was like christmas before christmas! So I'm going to try all of those on today, too.
Oh and I'm going to go to my moms to drive her car, because I'm probably going to buy it.
And that's my weekend excitement.
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| ::shrugs:: |
[05 Dec 2008|01:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
I honestly don't understand the way I am feeling right now.
LOST.
I need Matt here with me. Soon.
I just go through the motions everyday, and it gets worse and worse.
I balled my eyes out during Grey's Anatomy last night.
Do you think that will be a problem with me being a nurse?
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| My chest hurts. |
[03 Dec 2008|12:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sick |
] |
I'm sick, and it's bad down in my chest.
I get to go see Matt tonight at C.P.I. !!
He gets out the day after Christmas, so we're going to celebrate a day late.
Danielle, Scott and Eryn are getting a ferret today when the kids get home from school.
It's my dads Christmas present to them, early.
I'm not working right now, just living off of child support from my parents, really.
I'm enrolled to start school at OCC on Jan. 12, 2009, for the nursing program.
I've got Math, Eng Comp, Psych and Biology, at no cost to me because I got a federal pell grant. (Thank goodness).
Well, I've got to feed Eryn some lunch, and put her down.
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| Funny. |
[26 Nov 2008|02:31pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Better than I ever used to be. |
] |
I was just looking through old entries in this thing. Funny how life changes so fast. Everyone hates each other one moment, but soon are very friendly with each other again. Strange looking at what life was like on this date 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 YEARS ago. *LOL* Did things turn out differently than expected for everyone else, too? Never would have thought I'd be where I am today years ago. So many memories, good and bad, and really bad. *LOL* Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I'm making a pasta salad to take to Grandma's. Who knows? Maybe next year I'll know how to make the 'perfect' turkey, and maybe the year after that I'll have Thanksgiving at my house. Riiiight.
Just popping in to say hi to this old thing.
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| Laying Low. |
[25 Jun 2007|05:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Emotions R all over the place |
] |
Things seem to be calming down a LOT.
Since the crazy night, I haven't really been outside of the apartment. Haven't answered many phone calls, I've even seperated myself a little from the people I live with.
I guess I'm trying to re-evaluate myself, my life. I don't know. This may seem like a broken record, but I am always so confused.
I want to know if where I'm at right now is making me crazy, or if I left what I have now, if that would make me more crazy???
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| ::smiles:: |
[15 Jun 2007|03:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
I loooove warm sunny days.
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|
| I didn't Ask for any of this... |
[23 May 2007|05:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed, stressed, emotional |
] |
::tears::
and I'm not ready for any of it.
My 16 year old sister had a baby, that everybody says will think I am her mother, because I AM THE ONE TAKING CARE OF HER.
Don't get me wrong, I fucking love my niece.
Eryn Nicole Myers-Ball.
Everything was great in the beginning, and then all fucking hell broke loose before a fucking month even went by.
It's like Romeo and Juliet. The two families do not get along at all. THEY live out in FLINT, and want Eryn there every weekend. I don't think so. So that caused a big RUCKUS a few weeks ago.
Danielle decides she needs to go back to school to pass into 11th grade. Which means I get to take care of Eryn from the time Danielle goes to bed..(mmm 11 pm) until she gets home from school the next day (mmm like 4pm).
I really like sleeping and I'm getting none. By the time I feed her and get her back to sleep, I fall asleep for maybe 2 hours when she's ready to eat again. This goes on all night. Then she wont go to sleep after daylight. UGH. My body aches.
I don't mean to complain. All I'm saying is I'm not the one who decided to get pregnant.
Then, we go to my moms house for a B-B-Q, and when we get there, Jeff..(moms husband) gets all huffy and puffy, and starts PUSHING my mom around. Hey I don't fucking think so. So I went off. Honestly, I almost killed the mother fucker. I told him I would kill him, and laugh- I don't know if I have ever gone that crazy. KEEP YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF OF MY MOTHER.
I got stranded at the bank yesterday, WITH Eryn, because the bank wouldn't cash my check, and I had no gas.
I feel like such a failure, lately. I'm failing myself, and this baby, and.. everyone. I'm depressed, and so emotional. I feel like the whole world is caving in around me, suffocating me, and there is NOTHING I can do about it. I don't know what to do. And I don't even know who I can talk to anymore.
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| All is well in PixieLand.... |
[22 Feb 2007|04:05pm] |
::smiles::
still no job, but I don't want one.
I got my own apartment; move in Monday the 26th.
I'll have a baby shower on March 10th, because...
Danielle is DUE April 12th, 2007.
I am going to be an aunt!!!
I go to the Bahamas on April 14th - 21st.
THEN SUMMER!!!
And in August, I go to NYC for a visit for the weekend!!
(with a person who still Rocks my world!)
::all smiles::
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| Life Always Changes, but Somehow stays the Same. |
[21 Jan 2007|07:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
You never call me when you're sober... |
] |
Heeeyyy. Well, what can I say? Even I don't know where the fuck my life is going. Or where it is, for that matter.
Nothing bad, but nothing really fantastic either.
I got fired and I'm back in this situation where I have no money. I just bought a new car, and the fuckin' insurance is ridiculous on it.
I'm not depressed, I'm actually not too worried about it at all.
I'm just complaining because I don't have the money I would like to have right now to spend on the things I don't even need so much. *LOL* You know what I mean?
I'm good with my family; all of them. I love that.
I've dropped the people that are no good for me, and an addicting habit that was ruining my life.
I have a few great relationships with amazing people. You know who you are. ;)
I have been running into a lot of old friends, good friends, who I'll have to go smoke some fatties with somtime soon. when I get the money to buy anything but poop schwag
Jen, my roomate from NYC, came to Michigan for her first time last week, in an effort to save me. From what? I have no fucking clue. Something about where is my "star". Right FUCKIN' here. haha I don't know.
I still smoke. Cigarettes.
Of course I still smoke my daily medication, as well.
I drink. Chill. Talk. Drive. All of the same ol' shit.
I don't know why I keep babbling on...just wanted to drop in and say hello to this Old World Journal.
Hello, and in case I don't see ya-
"Good afternoon, Good evening and Goodnight..."
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|
| Alone. |
[21 May 2006|03:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
I cried for about 2 seconds a few minutes ago.
I'm so Alone.
I thought about dying the other day, and wondered who would really care?
I'd only hurt very few.
I only wish there were somebody who truly cared.
I need to cry and I can't.
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| WHOA.slowYourRolllll. |
[14 May 2006|05:43pm] |
|
Last night scared me. That has definately never happened to me before...I think it must have been because I was expecting NOTHING to happen, when all of a sudden BOOM!! both things hit at the same time...
I've been bad this week. I am doing nothing more for 2 weeks. Except smoke fatties, of course.
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| Naive. |
[13 May 2006|03:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 retarded. |
] |
Only a stupid mother fucker like me could let that fucking NIGGER get away. :(
I'll come back, though.
Last night was pretty damn fun...especially when Jenna Jamison got there!!! OWOW..
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|
| LAZZZZY. |
[23 Apr 2006|03:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 high |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
riders on the storm |
] |
I've been so lazy lately. well this weekend, at least.
...I have this weird feeling,.. like something is about to change..
and if it is what I think it is...Fuck that.
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|
| Alicia!!!! |
[16 Apr 2006|11:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
TURNTURNTURN |
] |
oh man. one of my favorite people from back in the day just got back in contact with me, and now I can start learning all over again!.! and she is the BEST guide!!. she is the one who taught me everything I knew back when I knew anything..
she must have "known" somehow that I have been trying to get in touch with her...I'm pretty damn excited...she is getting a call as SOON as I get back into town on Tuesday.
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| you know what?!?! FUCK YOU!! |
[30 Mar 2006|11:15am] |
"uh, Mary, I'm a little confused.."
ahhhhhhhhhhh!! shut the fuck up. i fucking hate you, you fucking sarcastic, condesending, demeaning FUCK!! you make every thursday disgusting, you're the reason things are fucked up, you are not fucking GOD..get off of your high fucking horse, you dick!!! you make me fucking sick, you creep. thank gods you're only here 1 day a week, because you bring me to tears practically...i'm not like this...i'm not a mad person!! fucking god, i HATE you!! i do not hate anyone, but fuck you, you fucking prick. FUCK you. fuck you.
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| "there're secrets in this life that i can't hide..." |
[26 Mar 2006|01:48am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
rubudub square--sublime |
] |
when you feel like this...
..like, you just don't know what the fuck is really goin' on..
you're kind of lost..
in either direction...
you can't sleep, you can't stay Awake.
you're cracked out from yesterday..wtf?..
smoke weed.
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| DRUNK MUCH? |
[08 Mar 2006|08:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 drunk |
] |
OMfuckG.
i am STILL drunk.
hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
i have to go to work.
like 12 minutes ago!!!
the insides of my purse are everywhere.
hahahahahaha.
i have to go to qwork.
damnit. im drunk. hahahah
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